I think I've been bitten
Thursday, Feb. 05, 2004 at 6:33 PM
So... the time has come for me to update again.
Hmm... what's happened this week? I wrote about Rich.
It's weird there. When we are on the phone, I'm 100% at ease around him. When he's near me, I get quiet and reserved and nervous. I've never been that way around him before. Why now? I can't wait to see him when I know we're doing something, but then when we are together, it's almost as though I'm so on edge that I want to run away from the situation.
We'll see. Time will tell.
Tom and I were supposed to go out last night and didn't. I went to Gramps and Grams Klapproth and visted with them for a while. Then Kate and I went out for dinner at TGI Fridays. I texted Tom and asked if we were still on for that night and he texted me back to say no, he wouldn't be able to do anything.
1. I don't know if he knows that I know that he's going out with his ex on Valentine's Day. I know that he hasn't talked to me since Sunday and he was weird then. So really, he hasn't talked to me since Wednesday. For the life of me, I can't figure out what it is that I said or did that would make him get all weird, but whatever. He'll either get over it and call me or he'll back off and not call me.
2. I think he thinks I want him to commit to something. I don't. I've told him that. But I don't want to 'date' someone who has one foot out the door the whole time. We were enjoying ourselves and having fun. We weren't at the point where we needed to discuss anything. And now he's running back to his ex where it's safe. If there's an explanation for all of this, I'm not getting one. Which sucks, cause I enjoy my time with him and like doing things with him. But if he can't be upfront with me if he's freaking out, then I guess it's not going to work. We'll see. He knows my number, hopefully he'll call, but I don't know, the vibes I'm getting are weird.
John E-mailed me today. It was nice. He said the more he reads of my diary, the more he likes it. He agrees with me on many of the things I've written. It's kind of suprising. Weird, almost. He's cute, smart, funny. What makes him different from everyone else? I don't know yet. We talked Sunday night for hours. I like that he's going to be a nurse. That he's in the ROTC is a little off-putting, because I know that in a year and a half, he'll be leaving. But I'm not going to have that stop anything because of something that's that far down the road. He's got this way about him. He sends these emails that just make my day. He apologizes at times for the things about him that I'm actually starting to like the most. He gave me a foot rub. Can't tell you the last time I had one of those. It was a simple gesture, but something sweet and thoughtful. He'd been the one on his feet all day. And I'm the one getting the foot rub. I almost don't want to write about him on here because it's kind of something I'd rather keep to myself. Not because he reads this, but because, well, I don't really know why. It's almost as if I don't want to jinx it by writing about it.
He suprises me too. I'm beginning to think that everyone has a story to tell. It's how we tell it that makes us who we are. I know that may not make sense to anyone. And the sense it makes to me really has nothing to do with the way it's worded.
I don't expect you to understand this.
But anyways, John's going to call me tonight and I'm going to go get my jammies on and read some more. I finished my one book and now I'm starting a new one. I read this book in one day.
I'm outie- Peace- Miss