What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept

Monday, Mar. 01, 2004 at 4:44 PM


Sometimes I wish I could just capture the moment the atmosphere lights up, the clouds rupture and in an instant, it begins to pour. I know I posted about this a bit ago, but it�s pouring outside right now and I�m in heaven.

I have less than 30 minutes left of work, I�m going to Al�s and then the night is wide open. Pure bliss. This week, I may be going to Wingnut practice, I�m going to try to go to PWS practice and I may get to see Darin. Awesome all around. Everything is working out. I love these brief moments of pure happiness. It�s what motivates me and gets me going. Granted, I LOVE my life. I love who I am, I love who I�m going to be. I love me. But there�re times when for a couple hours, everything makes sense and it feels as though nothing can go wrong. It makes adversarial times that much more of a molehill and not a mountain. I am finally able to put life into perspective, and that�s something I have never been able to do.

I was talking to Darin about relationships and these words came out of my mouth: This is what I want and this is what I�ll settle for. Never again will I utter those words. Never settle. I�ve said that to so many people and yet, I�m doing it myself. What I want and what I will live with is one in the same. I�ll not settle for 2nd best when it comes to relationships or my life. This is my life. �You just get one ride around the sun in this dream of time. It goes so fast and one day we�ll look back and we�ll ask, was that my life?� And when I do that, I�d like to look back and smile. I do not expect my life to be easy or perfect or to even go the way I plan it to, but I have control over my own happiness and when I look back, I want to say, I lived a good live, I fought the good fight.

And although I can�t say I�m 10% there now, I�m pretty close. I�d like to get my finances a little under control. Pay off all my debt, which isn�t that much, but I�d like it gone. I�d like to tone my legs before summer starts and work out a little more. I�d like to spend more time getting to know my grandmother and getting to know whom my mom was. But all that will come with time and I know that I�m getting there. I�m not overwhelmed, nor am I worried. I�m strong. And no one will ever take that away from me.

Thanks guys for always listening, even when you don�t always like what I have to say. Many of you have been there throughout the past few years, all the way. And although you�re there and I�m here, I know I always have a place to go to unleash the demons in me. And I can finally say I�m demon-free.

Love, Miss



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