A new beginning...
Sunday, Dec. 26, 2004 at 9:16 PM
Yes, I am alive. Sometimes I think barely, but I'm alive.
In the past 2 months:
I broke up with Josh. Met Greg. Found out what love really is. Made a few new friends and became closer to the old ones.
The biggest thing in my life is that my grandma had a stroke. She went in for a routine surgery and since then has had:
2 surgeries on her neck,
2 angioplasies,
6 stints put in her heart,
intense physical therapy and
her world turned upside down.
So I've had other things on my mind than writing. Sorry all.
But I'm ready to let it all out again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, my life is a 7 1/2. I'm alive, my grandma is alive, even if she can't walk or do much other than lay in a rehab bed 24/7.
Let's start from the beginning...
Josh and I broke up because I'm not the girl for him. I can't be who he wants me to be because, well, it's just not me.
Ricky, who I've talked about before, who's one of my good friends, introduced me to his cousin Greg.
Things are going well. I'd like to share everything, but this one I'm going to keep a little but closer to my heart.
Let's just say he's amazing.
I never knew I could feel like this. No work. So easy. Fun, hugs, kisses, laughs, strength and endless love. Knock you on your ass, take you by suprise, hold on and not let you go love.
I couldn't walk away if I tried. And there have been times where I've been afraid and wanted to walk away.
How can you meet someone and fall in love with them in less than a month?
How can this love outweigh and overpower everything else you've ever felt? How can someone make every bad feeling, every bad relationship, every hurt, just disappear?
How can something so pure make you realize that you have never experienced true love?
Don't get me wrong, I loved Scott and I loved Rob. But this is so different.
This is so real to me. I'm not putting on a front or loving him more than I actually do. I'm not saying things I don't mean or to make him feel better.
I'm me. Stripped. I'm annoying and sexy and loud and I talk a lot. I look at him and my world makes perfect sense.
Leaving or walking away is not an option.
I have finally connected with someone sexually, mentally, emotionally and physically. And yet, there's another level. It's weird. There's an intimacy that has nothing to do with anything mental or emotional or physical. It's being able to look at him and know that without a doubt, I want to be with him. It's not always a day at the beach, but it's mostly sunny.
He really rocks my world. And for once in my life- I'm going at this like this is forever. I'm working towards a goal. Some long term, some short. But the big picture is spending forever with him.
Go ahead and tell me you've heard it in some way shape or form before from me. Go ahead and tell me you think I'm crazy. I don't care.
I am still seriously thinking about deleting all my old entries in my diary or starting another one because my past is just that, my past. It doesn't matter anymore.
It's almost as if my life starts now.
I like that. A new beginning. A chance to do just the best that I can because that's all I have to give.
He's like nothing I've ever experienced. He's mature, smart, sexy as hell. He's got plans, big plans and he wants this to work just as much as I do.
When I think he won't budge, he does. When I'm being a brat, he really puts me in my place.
He's not after my body or sex. He's not with me because it looks like the perfect picture. He's not with me until the next best thing comes along. He's not with me because he's lonely. He's not with me because I'm just available.
He's with me because stripped down, he loves everything he sees.
I rock his world. And let me tell you, it's got to be one of the most intense feelings ever.
Every kiss is like the first. Every "I love you" as sincere as the original.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's great and I may not write for a while. I'll get on from time to time to update. But I'm pretty busy with Grams and Greg and everything else.
The grams thing is something I'll share with you when I have more time. I'm in charge of the house now and there's laundry to be done, beds to be made and floors to be cleaned.
For those of you who pray, please keep my grandma in your prayers. We need all the heavenly help we can get right now.
Love you all, Miss