Oh God, what am I doing?
Saturday, May. 08, 2004 at 8:26 PM
Hello to the two people that read my diary. Yes, there are 2, because I have olny given access to you Kate and you Jess. Feelin' the love? Better be.
A big thanks goes out to Kate today, who saved me from myself yet once again. Sometimes I feel as though I want to rip my own head off. Right now, I'd like to because I have a headache the size of California... No. Alaska. I feel a migrane coming on. Not cool. I want to finish my book before I go out tonight. Maybe I won't even go out tonight.
I'm not as mad as I was earlier today. The art show on Navy Pier went well. Retro (Dave) and I spent most of the time laughing our asses off. I'm glad we're friends. Caroline was such a bitch. First off: How DARE she tell Craig that I'm not good enough for him. And HOW DARE she act as though she's better than me. Like I'm some low-life, honkey ass trailer trash. She's got to be so fucking prim and proper all the time. I hate it. So I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder, so what? I'm not trying to win a beauty contest or come out like some belle at the ball. I'm me. I'm many things that Caroline cannot handle. I'm sensual. I'm flirty. I burp in pulic (around friends). I am social. I'm able to let loose. And I'm approachable. Caroline on the other hand is cold and uppity. I don't get what Bryan sees in her, but I'm happy if he's happy. But for someone I've been friends with for how many years, she needs to get her attitude out of her ass. Or I'll put my fist in her face. I'll show her trailer trash.
How do you like THEM apples?
So on top of her being a bitch all day and my knees hurting like someone is hitting them with a sledge hammer; Craig hasn't called me in hmm... 3 days. Since Wednesday. I e-mailed him Thursday and then yesterday with details on something and no word. I was going to go to Barnes and Noble with Retro on Sunday, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe he'll think I'm stalking him. Which, I must admit, would kind of be my reason for going up there, but then again, a girl has to study, doesn't she? I don't know, I'll think about it. But then, part of me feels as though Caroline would relish teh fact that he hasn't called. Why the fuck hasn't he called??? I know he had a party tonight for some family thing, so that's cool. But if he doesn't call me by Monday, I'm taking it as a brush off. No way he didn't have 2 minutes to call.
GEESH! Listen to me. I'm pyscho! I never get this way about a guy calling. I always just move on to the next guy. But I don't want there to be a next guy. Since meeting Craig 5 months ago, things have changed dramatically. And I hope it doesn't happen that when I'm finally ready to open up and let someone in all the way, that they don't want that.
Speaking of which. Vaughn's been calling more lately and texting me. Weird. I thought we were over. I guess he thinks not.
Steve, who works with Scott (if you'll recall that whole episode), called me this week and we went out for drinks last night. Good times all around. We're supposed to hang out tonight. We'll see. I'm not sure what I want to do yet. What I REALLY want to do is drive up to Milwaukee, spend the night at Craig's and sleep in tomorrow.
ARG! I went to look for Craig's e-mail that he sent and I can't find it anywhere!!!!! OH NO! Not cool.
I'm outie. Midlife crisis preventing, I'll write more later.