A very sad day

Sunday, Mar. 21, 2004 at 12:18 PM


My grandpa died yesterday. Very suddenly of a heart attack. He was 73 and very healthy. I don't know what to write. I feel like sometimes I want to just stay in bed all day and at others I want to just be with my friends.

This is horrible. And it hurts so bad. It's not fair and it's not cool. Everyone's been calling to ask how I am and all I can say is, I'm just so sad.

My grandma (his wife) is a wreck. We all went back to their house and everytime she saw something of his- his boots, his eagle things, his shirt, she'd start crying again. We all did.

There were still marks on the living room floor from where they had the stretcher before they wheeled him out.

At the hospital, I got to see him. I went in and both my aunts followed me. He was laying there and he was so cold. They hadn't taken the breathing tube out of his mouth yet and I was so mad. I kept asking why they didn't take it out. His hands were so cold. And he looked like he was sleeping. I kept telling myself this wasn't happening. It's not fair. My grandma just survived breast cancer. I mean- 3 weeks ago was her last radiation treatment. And then he dies. It's not fair. I feel so horrible for my grandma and I wish I could do something about it. I'm not ready to watch them bury my grandpa. This is my grandpa. I was named after him. And I remember when we were kids how he'd string us upside down by our feet and how he'd tickle us til we screamed. He always played with us. He was a firefighter for 30 years and after that he worked for the police department. We had to find a funeral home that was big enough to handle our family plus half of Kenosha. My grandpa knew everyone. Whenever I got pulled over, he knew. When I got my first tattoo, he knew. He was this huge man with a kind, gentle touch. He was tough, yet very loving. Sometimes I thought of him as too tough, but then he'd look at you and you could see the love in his eyes.

I saw my grandpa a few weeks ago and that was the last time I saw him alive. The last thing he said to me was "I love you Missy" and I said "I love you too Grandpa". And I got a big grandpa hug. He always gave the best hugs. And with his big belly, I had to stretch my arms around him to reach.

I'll always carry good memories of me and my grandpa.

But his life was cut short. It was a great life, but it was cut short. j

And this week, we'll bury him in our family plot. And ya know what? Last week my aunt had asked him where he'd want to be burried. We have 8 plots in an old cemetary in Somers and my Grandma, a still born uncle and my mom are burried there now. I have always said that I want to be burried next to my mom and grandpa said "I want to be burried in front of (his first wife) and have Ceil (his wife now) next to me. Missy gets to be next to her mom". He remembered. That means a lot to me.

I am still in shock, but I needed to get some of this out of my system.

Miss

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