When you lie next to me... Breath in the air I breath...

Monday, Feb. 09, 2004 at 12:25 PM


So Kate is going to love this one:

I left this note on her diary...

Why the hell can't my boobs tan? Fuck that! Sometimes I wish I had your boobs. But then you would have my boobs... and you don't want em, believe me... so I'll just keep these boobs and hate myself forever. Yuck!

And the reason being- I went tanning Saturday morning. My whole body is beautifully tan- except my boobs. They're darker, mind you, but they're still whitey whiter white... Suck that asshole!

(When I get mad, I swear- the swear words I throw together do not always make sense- hence the suck that asshole)(it was the first thing that came to my mind)

Damn the fucking bullshit.

Dagam theygu fayguckcayging bagullsheygit.

Remember Goat Latin? We used to speak it in Jr High and I can still fluently tell you everything you'd like to know about it, but I can't 'learn' ya how to speak it. lol

Well, let's see how I feel about my week:

There's a certain someone I want to email and call and talk to and see every day this week, but I'm not going to scare him off or do any of those things. I'll see him once this week and I'll have to live with that. This kind of came from out of no where, as I had been keeping him at semi-arms length this past week.

I know that John, Rich and Tom all read this. And that makes it hard to write things I'd like to write.

Why? 1. I like all 3 guys. 2. I have a different relationship with all of em. 3. I do not want to hurt anyone. 4. I can't choose one of them right now. 5. I'm not being asked to.

Ricky asked me yesterday if I was ready to be in a relationship. I told him yes and no. He said- why not? I said- I am ready to commit to someone, but I can't right now because 1. I don't know anyone well enough YET (I'm getting there) and 2. I don't want to hurt anyone if and when I choose.

Sometimes I hate this. I'd like to crawl away and I feel so selfish.

I mean, I had an amazing weekend- and I cannot wait to hang out again.

Instead of comparing, I have been trying to keep everyone seperate... But it's not working. I end up comparing them.

That's not fair to anyone, nor does it make them feel special, I bet.

They are all great. I don't know what to do. I never expected it to get like this.

I don't know... I need to think about this. I need to do something soon. I'm scared and running right now, I'll admit it. So I'm signing off. Talk to you later guys...

Love, Miss

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