Allo... Allo?
Friday, Jan. 23, 2004 at 4:31 PM
From Ciulionn's diary-
He said that he wanted me to take as much time as I needed to figure out what I want in my life, but that he intended to make sure that I was treated well in the meantime.
Wow. I can't say enough how those words impacted me.
Have you ever read anything that shook you to your core?
Something so simple, yet so profound you wonder why you didn't think of it before. That post has nothing to do with what I feel inside, yet it unleashed this insatiably desire to let go of my fears, my hang-ups and fall face first into oblivion.
I'm slowly, but surely, starting to BE there in my life. Not just living it, but living IN it.
I notice the way things make me feel now, I notice how cold it is outside. I notice the way Kate always smells like Victoria's Secret when she gets in my car. Or how Marisa always seems to make me feel so sexy and awesome when I'm feeling fat and bloated. She text messaged me today during lunch "Just thinking of you and how cute you are. Give me a call if you're free later!"
1. That girl rocks my world. She is kind, smart, sexy and a genuinly GOOD person. She's helped me lighten up and be who I am. She asks for no reasons why I am the way I am.
2. She has gone through so much shit in her life and continues to do so, yet she never shows it. She's confident and fun to be around always.
Wow. Ya know?
Anywho- so I think I blew it with Tom this week-
I was crabby because I felt fat and ugly and we walked into the bowling alley to play pool and all I wanted was him to put his arms around me and instead he started talking to some random girl. I, unfortunatly, got pissed inside and out and was crabby and stupid.
I know he doesn't want a relationship. And we're free to date other people- but seeing him with another girl made me jealous for some reason. Now, I know why this is. When you're with someone- you know they are with you and want to be with you. But when you are in limbo- you don't have that assurance. And I guess I realised that when Tom was talking to the girl.
But I handled it wrong and got crabby. And I think I scared him.
Well, whatever's clever- I have to run- work's over- YAY FRIDAY!