Highs and Lows this week
Friday, Jan. 16, 2004 at 4:26 PM
Hello world.
Here I am... shoot me down.
Although, at this point, I honestly think that there is next to nothing that could knock me down.
Last night, I had a great night and horrible night worked into one.
1. Amy went to the doctor. Not good. I'm terrified and it's not my business, so I'm not posting it on here. But something's up and it scares the shit out of me, so I know it must scare her half to death. Amy, I love you honey. And we'll get through this together. Hang in there.
2. I went to Rick's. No, not Rich's house, RICKY'S... Tom's friend.
He offered to cook me dinner, so we ate Mac and Cheese (SHELLS and CHEESE thank you very much) and watched tv & a movie.
We had a few really good conversations.
Talks about life, love, self image, self loathing. A bit of everything. And there were a few times I wanted to cry. Many I laughed my ass off.
I think I just made a new friend. I hope I did. And get this: He stayed up til 3 in the morning, reading my diary, from beginning to now. Wow. And he still thinks I'm great.
Part of me wishes that Tom knew that much about me. I like Tom, a lot. I'm seeing him tonight after I get off work. It should be a good time.
I think that all the stress is catching up to me and that my tough exterior is starting to crumble. I'm getting to the point where I really need a good cry. I know I have available shoulders, but I do not know where to turn. It's like standing in the middle of a crowded street, looking in circles for someone I know and feel safe with. I have so many friends and yet the number of people I want to turn to is small.
I rely on myself to get through life. I love my friends and know that I can always go to them in a time of crisis, happiness or fear, but do I?
What I need more than anything in the world right now is for someone to put thier arms around me, hold me and tell me it's okay to let go.
And yet, I know that there are others that need me to be there for them. Amy, in all our drama, needs me right now. Ben, with the Matt and Dana situation, needs me right now. Everyone needs something and in my mind, it's more important to help them than take a moment out to feel sorry for myself.
But I need it. I need it so badly I can taste the tears.
But my time will come.
Wow... I just thought of something...
I've been saying I want someone who adores me, loves the hell out of me, supports me, makes me laugh and can't get enough of me... and maybe I've been looking in the wrong places. Maybe I know who it is. And he was there all along. Hmmm... I'll have to sit back and see what happens.
Love you all- and remember- the road of a thousand miles begins with the first step...
Miss (YAY, it's the weekend)
PS (Next entry- Rich- the disappearing man)